Choose Your Partner Carefully
By
February 23, 2010
Wouldn't it be nice to prevent child abuse before it starts?
Almost one-third of the child abuse cases investigated by Richland County Children
Services in 2009 involved a non-related adult perpetrator, often a male brought into a
home as a husband, boyfriend or significant other of a single mom.
Without the introduction of that perpetrator into the home, the abuse may never occur.
That's why we have launched a new campaign, “Choose Your Partner Carefully,” aimed
at educating area residents on making good selections on whom they bring into their
homes and introduce to their children.
Why this campaign?
We want to increase awareness, for example, among women of the risk their children
face when a non-related male is entrusted with their care. We want to provide tools to
help women evaluate the likelihood their new male friend could be a child abuser. We
want to educate women to recognize potential signs of abuse in their children and make
sure they are aware of potential other community resources for child care.
And we would like to increase overall community awareness of child abuse and its
impact.
The national numbers are both telling – and staggering.
-- 23 percent of male child abuse perpetrators were boyfriends or stepfathers.
-- 60 percent of male perpetrators were caregivers at the time of the abuse.
-- An in-home non-related “father” surrogate more than doubled the risk of child
abuse over homes with biological fathers.
-- 28 percent of child deaths in Ohio during 2008 implicated the mother’s partner.
-- 39 percent of those child fatalities had a prior history of maltreatment.
Men who abuse woman are also more likely to abuse their children. Statistics show half
of the men who batter women also assault children in the home, a rate about 700 percent
higher than non-battering men.
Before a single mom enters into a relationship with a new man, and before bringing him
around her children, here are some questions she needs to ask herself:
-- Do you know if he has a criminal history?
-- How has he treated past girlfriends?
-- How does he treat the women in his own family?
-- How does he treat other children?
As women ponder those questions, here are some warning signs their new male friend
may be an abuser:
-- Displays extreme jealousy.
-- Exhibits controlling behavior
-- Has unrealistic expectations
-- Blames others for problems/feelings.
-- Commits verbal abuse
-- Engages in “playful” use of force
-- Displays cruelty to animals and other children.
-- Shows anger or impatience when a child cries or has a tantrum.
-- Calls children bad names or otherwise “puts them down.”
-- Thinks it’s “funny” to scare children.
-- Tries to stop you from bringing your children to his family events.
-- Tries to make all decisions for you and your children.
-- Tells you that you are a bad parent or should not have your children.
-- Pretends when he hurts your child that you are to blame or its “no big deal.”
-- Tells your child he/she is a nuisance.
If a woman has seen any of these signs in her new male partner, she may be putting her
children at risk by involving the man in her life and in the lives of her children.
If problems develop, there are answers for women locally. First, the woman needs to get
herself and her children to a safe place. She can then contact local law enforcement,
Richland County Children Services (419-774-4100) and/or the Domestic Violence
Shelter (1-800-931-7233).
